ohh time.

I almost forgot I had this thing.

I wish I hadn’t.

I’ve been keeping thoughts in because I”ve been feeling thrown out.

If that means anything.

How sad is it that I’m resulting to spilling my beans to some pointless blog?

Whatever.

-

My fingertips are numb and my eyes are frozen open.

I still can’t get myself to wake up.

This weather, these days.

It makes me lonely and I spend too much time with myself.

Inside of myself.

In my mind.

I get lost sometimes and it’s hard to find a hand to pull me back to the surface.

I might just drown in the piles of snow at my feet.

Snow snow snow.

-

I miss my camera.

It’s been without me since I moved here.

I hope it doesn’t hate me because I would love to replace it’s heart (batteries) and keep it warm in my hands again.

I’m scared that if I take a picture of myself, It will be an image of someone I don’t even recognize.

I guess I will find out soon enough.

-

School is exciting and frustrating at the same time.

All I want is to be a beautiful master of hair.

A wizard of sorts.

Re sparking that flame of self confidence in people.

There are way too many beautiful souls out there who have no idea how incredibly gorgeous they are in every sense of the word.

I want to remind them.

I would hate to think that they go through their days feeling crummy about themselves when they have no reason to.

Maybe I’m shooting too high.

I hope not.

-

Why is it taking so long for me?

I shouldn’t care, but I do.

Damnit.

sara.

and OH! Keli has been singing with me.

It is beautiful and it’s just what i’ve been missing in my music.

It is complete now.

Good freaking lord.

I need to stop doing this to myself.

It’s pretty ridiculous.

I convince myself in, and then always without hesitation, it never works out.

Then I start to think dumb as fuck thoughts like:

“Why am I not good enough?”

or

“Maybe I should change myself.”

Hell naw.

Home girl isn’t going down like that.

I gave myself a swift kick in the balls and told myself to stop being an ass.

Now, the thoughts have switched (well, I tell myself they have switched):

“If i’m not good enough for him then, he’s not good enough for me.”

and

“I’m not changing for anyone but myself.”

But really?

Who gives a fuck. That’s all I have to say.

I’m fucking Sara. I don’t need this shit.

Haha, jesus christ.

-

I’m missing many things right now.

People in particular.

I wish that they would come home right now and make me laugh.

A new member to the gang and I haven’t even met him yet!

What a treat that will be.

I’m going to spoil the fuck out of him.

Thought of the night:

I need to stop being so dumb.

 

Who’s joking?

Sara.

Awww, man.

: [

Please come home.

I like how the words I bold are the ones I misspell.

Isn’t that always the case with me.

I start my job tomorrow.

6 am!

About damn time.

I’ve been laying low lately. But what else is new.

I spent a good portion of my day today at Glenn Park. Sat on my car and read Into the Wild.

Which I finished and teared up to at the end.

I miss my family. You know, my FAMILY.

With my new eating habits in tact i’ve been feeling rather fresh.

My skin is soft (not that it was a toads skin before), and my energy is up.

I’ve been listening to the live Melange cd that Joe gave me and it blows my mind every single time.

It’s been weird.

I’ve always felt older than I actually am but lately, it’s been a substantial gap.

I often find myself feeling as if i’m 24 years old. If not older.

Especially when I find myself surrounded by people still in high school.

Not saying that people in high school are dumb or anything less than I am.

It’s just been weird.

I wish my hair was still long. Swinging low against my butt.

Well, I guess i’ll go lay in bed for hours until I finally fall asleep.

Wish me luck.

Thought of the night:

Why am I not likable?

 

Joe in his apartment.

Nate’s cat, Varner.

 

That place makes me sleepy.

 

Sara.

What a day!

8:00 am – 9:00 am: got up and went for a delightful walk.

10:00 am: took a shower and watched Full House until my hair dried.

11:00 am: went to the Greatful Bread to visit Julia and then went to the grocery store to buy two apples.

3:00 pm: had julia over. We had amazing hummus with fresh pita. Played her the new song I learned.

4:00 pm: went to the gas station to buy cigarettas and avoided an embarassing situation.

5:00 pm: hiked down to the Kinni with Julia where we shared our smoke with K and M.

6:00 pm: Julia and I went back to my house and ate those two ripe apples.

7:00 pm: went to Kinni Lounge and wrote K and M a letter and waited for Melange to get there.

8:00 pm – 10:30 pm: had my mind blown away by Melange and Joe Smith.

Holy cow they were good.

I’ve never heard such music.

Now? My head is throbbing and I can’t seem to fall asleep.

I think Joe and I are going to set up a show together at Kinni Lounge.

Ha, what a mix.

 

Thought of the night:

I am in complete awe of the people who surround me.

A watermelon that I cut up today; a kick-off to my new diet.

No more processed bullshit!

 

fack.

 

Sara.

 

Cut hair today.

I’m pretty sure the last person I worked on was Keli.

Josh has a shit ton of hair but I managed through it all.

I stabbed him a few times but I hope he likes the outcome.

You know, i’ve realized that I need to stop getting so axious/nervous about the things that i’m passionate about.

The cutting of the hair, and the singing.

I sweat my ass off cutting the hair today because I just want so badly for the person to like it.

And maybe this feeling will go away once I start the schooling for it.

It’s just frustrating.

I’m very glad I got to talk to my bros today.

Yesterday was really stressful so it was good to have that vent with my family.

Julia doesn’t have syphilis!

Gahhhh.

Thought of the night:

I want so badly for this to be me.

What a fucking goddess.

 

Sara.

 

I suck.

: [

My god, i’m sooooo busy.

OH WAIT.

No but seriously, I don’t mind it much.

Got a nice surprise phone call from the family today.

That was nice.

I feel like i’m with them everytime they call me. It’s the best feeling.

I’ve been playing guitar like a mofo lately.

My fingers are shooting tingles down my hand every minute or so.

I’m starting to feel the butterflies for Wednesday.

Shucks.

I’ve been playing for Julia, Matt, and Joshua.

I’m getting used to that so that’s a good thing.

I start my job in about 2 weeks.

A JOB!

It’s nothing glamorous but it’s going to be a reliefe to bring in some kind of money.

Had just a LOVELY talk with Julia today.

We sat, spread eagle on her car and bitched about life and it was nice to be bitter with someone other than myself for a change.

Man, what a woman she is.

Learned some interesting things tonight also that I will soon share with my family.

They will be just as surprised as I was/am.

Man, I looked like hell today.

No joke.

 

Thought of the night:

Keli has such great ideas.

 

 

This is how I feel when people I don’t know talk to me.

 

Sara.

What a typical thing.

The one time I do something that has NOTHING to do with my father,

someone comes along and tells me that it has everything to do with my father.

What is going on? Why can’t people just be nice and keep to themselves?

What I do with my time is my business.

Who I spend my time with is my business.

I just want to cry right now because nothing can ever be OKAY with me.

My god.

This is frustrating and I wished I had you two here to help me.

 

and people wonder why I stay home all of the time…

Get me the hell out of here.

 

Sara.

HOT HOT HOT.

The start of River Falls Days. A whopping 92 degrees.

I found myself indoors for the most of the day. Big surprise.

I left the house to go to  my Grandmothers house for some kind of “tradition.”

This tradition was basically having an all American meal before going to see the parade.

I ate fruit and some pickles because my family still forgets that I am a vegetarian.

I was also asked, “Oh, you have a tattoo?”

“Yeah, for 3 years now. Thanks.”

That’s all that was said to me. Then the kids stared at me with their spoiled eyes.

My cousin, decked out in a french manicure and a cell phone.

She’s 13.

I was running around in applique tiger shirts and stretch pants at that age.

Jesus.  

I’m feeling gross as fuck. More than usual I should say.

I watched this show on raw and green diets. I wish I had the funds and support to do something like it.

I’ve lost control of everything else in my life, I have to take control of the one thing that belongs to me.

Thought of the night:

I think I feel the most uncomfortable about myself when I am at home.

The one and only time i’ve ever taken a picture of myself that wasn’t my face.

Stretch marks and all.

I am quickly reminded of why I should never do this.

 

HAAAAAAA.

Sara.